Politics
DSA Youth Chapter Plays Berlin Wall Footage Backward To Show Workers Fleeing Capitalism
Student organizers restore historical context by reversing the direction of everyone seeking a better life.
By Staff Writer · Oct 16, 2026
U.S. National Debt
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The Batshit Bugle — Satirical Financial News, With a Hint of Sweet Truth
Today's Edition · Financial Satire
Inspired by real headlines. Entirely fictional.
Crypto
Bitcoin Maxi Admits BlackRock’s 0.25% Fee Cheaper Than Periodically Buying All His Bitcoin Again
After @ledger incident, self-custody advocate updates expense ratio to include the occasional disappearance of the underlying asset.
Markets & Money
Broadcom ($AVGO) Launches Independent Credit Rating Agency With Same Quarterly Sales Target As Loan Desk
The company assures investors its analysts are free to assign any rating that gets the financing closed.
Economy
New 'Museum of Retirement' Exhibit Receives 40,000 Applications For 'Man In Chair' Position
Job applicants willing to become historical artifact in exchange for a room, lunch, and permission to finish the newspaper.
Markets & Money
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Wall Street Hires Record Number Of ‘Agent Orchestrators’ To Streamline Own Elimination
Banks offering competitive starting salaries for junior talent to teach autonomous software how to eliminate junior talent.
Crypto
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Top $TRUMP Coin Holders Unsure Whether Gala Dinner Is With President Or Lieutenant Frank Drebin
Event organizers confirm attendees will definitely be dining with someone who is "President-shaped."
Wall Street Investors Admit Most Profitable Model Remains Doing Exact Opposite of Jim Cramer’s Absolute Certainty
Sep 24, 2026
400-Year-Old Private Bank Eager To Introduce Octogenarian Dukes To Tokenization, Liquidity Pools
Sep 22, 2026
Warren Buffett Steps Down, Suggests Someone Invent Peer-To-Peer Electronic Cash System
Sep 20, 2026
Economy
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Fed Chair Hikes Rates Just To Get Inevitable Trump Nickname Over With
Desperate for a good night's sleep, central banker raises interest rates by 25-basis-points to rip off the Truth Social band-aid.
Trump Admits Inflation Led To Russian Oligarch Funding Part Of Don Jr.’s Wedding
Sep 14, 2026
Feminist Nonprofits Scramble To Find Oppression Angles After Recent BLS Report
Sep 9, 2026
"So, How About That Bond Market...?" Comedian Scraps National Debt Bit After Realizing $40 Trillion Is Too Big To Get
Sep 5, 2026
Climate
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Democrats Combine Both AI and Climate Catastrophe Into Single, Unified Apocalyptic Scenario
Party strategists unveil 'New Green Paperclip Deal' after struggling to choose between climate disaster and AI catastrophe as a winning platform
Real Estate
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LEED Building Counts Toilet’s Second Unnecessary Flush As Independent Verification Of First
Commissioning report for $VNO building confirms water-saving fixtures waste water exactly as specified.
Business
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Spirit Halloween Announces New DSA Horror Lineup, Bernie Sanders Relegated To ‘Useful Idiot’ Endcap
Seasonal retailer groups DSA members under peak fright while segregating Vermont senator on technicality of non-membership.
CVS Health Analysts Project Continued Strong Growth After Paper Receipt Efficiency Plan Revealed
Sep 4, 2026
FTC Proposal Requires Retailers to Fully Disclose How Much They Hate You as a Customer
Aug 20, 2026
DSA Assemblywoman Proposes "Five Finger Discount" Legislation to Address Biological "Need to Steal"
Aug 17, 2026
Politics
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'Nothing Stops This Cabin' AOC Fails To Solve Most Obvious Macroeconomic Puzzle In History
Game show taping grinds to a halt as lawmaker proves conceptually immune to runaway federal deficit metaphor.
Culture & Tech
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Joe Kernen Politely asks CNBC to Replay Co-Host's Positive America.gov Comments on Loop
Anchor requests uninterrupted broadcast of Andrew Ross Sorkin admitting a federal website actually works.
About The Batshit Bugle
The Batshit Bugle publishes a new satirical news story every day, mostly about money: Wall Street, crypto, the economy and the companies and politicians in the middle of it. Every story is fake, and each one is sparked by a real headline, which we link so you can see what set us off. More about the Bugle.
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